Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
