wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
