Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
