I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
