Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
