You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
