ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize