What did we do last night that was yellow?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
