She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
