Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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