I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
