Sober January is a disaster.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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