Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
