I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
