I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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