My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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