Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
