these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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