It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Who died my cat blue again?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
