I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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