Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
