so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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