He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
