Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
