we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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