I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My ATM looks so different sober.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
