he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
