is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
