I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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