she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
