do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
