Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
