Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
