It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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