how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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