i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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