Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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