Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
