For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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