Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
