the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So many bounce houses so little time
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My bed smells like the plague
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
