Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
