obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
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