is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
