doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
