His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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