My underwear smells like fireworks.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
