too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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