I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize