and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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