I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
