i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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