i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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