i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
