I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
babies were throwing up all over the place
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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