don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize