the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
