how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
