I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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