i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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