hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
