Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
