Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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