You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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