I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
