I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
