Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
