Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
