I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
