I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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