everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
