Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
